"A TALE FROM THE INDEPENDENT WORM SALOON" Oh what a WONDERFUL Life... "Once upon a time, there was this band called the Butthole Surfers and they went on tour all the time and ended up getting into all these weird situations which didn't really make sense one of the dancers that used to hang out at the celebrity club in Atlanta which was a wild seedy place that drag queens would hang-out and dance on the bars with negligees no underwear and a tampon string hanging out of their butt and some guy would be in the moshpit waving a machete around they'd make big bowls of punch and take turns peeing in it and drinking it she was part of that scene then one day she got a job at sexworld in New York City they stuck her in the jack-off booth and told her to strip-off and be erotic so she just took her clothes off and bent over and she thought she was gonna fart but she sprayed the wall with diarrhea and everyone went running into the street horrified so the black lady who stood on the side-walk was announcing the next night that they had the shit-lady we hooked up with Kathleen through another female drummer we had called Cabbage then there was a time in Boston during a snowstorm we had a taillight that was out and they took one look at us and the cop had a tow-truck haul us 15 miles into the middle of nowhere then he took her van and dumped us with our equipment our dog Mark Farner (a capitol recording artist no less) and sick with the flu we did get our van back after paying a few hundred dollars for registration that had already been paid then we were told we'd broken the law by getting our van back then there was the time in portland oregon when we parked behind a kentucky fried chicken eating chicken and a smoking a bong and the people in the kfc thought we were some armed bandits who'd been plaguing the area next thing we know there's 6 police cars and 12 police surrounding our van they open the door and this smoke comes billowing out they ask us who we are and we told them the butthole surfers and they said oh yeah we arrested 12 people at your show last year and they gave us uor pot and our beer back someone asked if we'd ever smuggled hash through customs in a doberman's ass and the answer is 'no' but we know people who have then there was this one time when the police pulled us over at 7 a.m. and gibby got out of the van to ask the policeman what the hell was going on forgetting that he had his sticking right up and was still wearing his stage dress and make-up from the night before and there was this really funny guy on the Austin punk scene there's always one wheelchair on every punk rock scene but there seemed to be many in Austin and this one guy on the punk scene in austin wheelchair Gary who'd go up behind people on crutches and yell "if y' can't walk right don't walk at ALL..."

More Worm Press Info: THE MAGNIFICENT 7: Brief descriptions of seven new Butthole Surfers songs, explained by Paul Leary and helped out on one occasion by Gibby. Ask about the rest when you see them...

"CHEWIN' GEORGE LUCAS CHOCOLATE" * The guy that did the policeman's voice? His name is Howie and he had done some work on George Lucas movies. He's probably best known for 'the Pepsi belch' in 'E.T. The Movie', that has Howie's belch. He's famous for it! So we figured being down the road from the Lucas ranch an' all, we'd just get a little ribbing in.

"GOOFY'S CONCERN" * No real theme other than the song just is a little goofy. Adds Gibby: Just an ole' fashioned love song.

"DOG INSIDE MY BODY" * That's just some vocal diarrhea that Gibby came out with, nothing too profound there.

"DISPUTE OVER T-SHIRT SALES" * We didn't have a title for that and you can't tell what the lyrics are by just listening to it. It reminded us of what haggling over t-shirt money at gigs sounds like.

"DANCING FOOL" * Well, let's see, I sing that song and we played that song on Lollapalooza where I'd just yell something. When our good friend Skatemaster Kate was askin' me what the lyrics were and I told him I couldn't remember. He told me it sounded like 'dancing fool' and I said 'oh yeah, cool, that was it.' So that was it.

"THE ANNOYING SONG" * I write the melody inspired by some backstage gibberish from Gibby who was yelling through a plastic microphone and driving everyone nuts, it drove Jeff nuts and then I wrote music for it which only had three notes that made him even more nuts. He really hates that song, he called it 'the annoying song'.

"THE BALLAD OF NAKED MAN" * Jeff had a banjo he wanted to play on that song, John Paul Jones played bass and it just always seemed that at that studio someone was always taking their clothes off anf jumpin' in the pool.

YET MORE WORM PRESS INFO: IMPORTANT FACTS YOU NEED TO KNOW...

1977 - Paul Leary and Gibby Haynes meet at college in San Antonio during 1977-78. Gibby was an accounting major. Leary's father was a Dean of the School of Business and named Gibby Accounting Student of the Year in 1980. He got a little plaque for it. Yippee-doo-dah-doodle...

1981 - Leary and Haynes decide to form a band. "Neuther of us wanted to work, Gibby didn't wanna be an accountant and I didn't wanna be a stock-broker so we threw it all in to be The Butthole Surfers," recounts Leary. Their first gig has them called The Dick Clark 5. For subsequent gigs they're The Dick Gas 5, Vodka Family Winstons, Nine Foot Worm Makes Own Food and Ashtray Babyheads.

1981 (Autumn) - Booked as the Bleeding Skulls but mistakenly introduced as The Butthole Surfers (one of their songs), they decide to keep the name since the made $150 bucks and figured they'd get rich that way. Haynes and Leary drive to California and beg for gigs up and down the West Coast and get some through the pure unbridled sympathy of club owners.

1981 (Winter) - Having done a show at San Francisco underground club Tool & Die with Jello Biafra in attendance, the band get invited to play shows with the Dead Kennedys and do an album for the Alternative Tentacles label.

1982 (Spring) - Original drummer quits, Haynes and Leary go back to Texas and record their eponymous album, also enlisting King Coffey on drums. The band then picks up a second drummer called Theresa. The band then gets its first set of eight strobe lights for $50 from an ex-con.

1983 - One more album for Alternative Tentacles, a live version of the first album. Cheapo bastardos.

1983-1985 - Tour and tour and tour and tour in a range of clapped-out war-horse road-hogs. Their legendary dog mascot, Mark Farner, is an ever-present companion. They rarely take breaks.

1985 - The Buttholes sign with independant label Touch and Go, trip off on their first tour of Europe and come back to San Francisco. Suddenly they decide to move to Athens, Georgia to "be near REM". Release Touch and Go debut LP, King Coffey and Theresa get homesick for Auston, the band moves back.

1986 - Continue touring and pick up a new bass player from Atlanta called Jeff Pinkus. Work on a new album for Touch and Go.

1987 - The semi-legendary Locust Abortion Technician album is released and touring is as rife as ever.

1988-1990 - Between tours the Buttholes lose Theresa, hook up onto a little road jamboree called Lollapalooza and start courting with Capitol Records. Lots of heavy petting going on.

1991 - Butthole Surfers sign with Capitol Records. Paul Leary has this to say. "We could've gone with a couple of other labels but we actually chose Capitol simply because of Grand Funk Railroad and Bloodrock, not to mention the Beatles, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. It satisfies a childhood thing to be on Capitol Records." Band continues to (suprise) tour.

1992 - Surfers record their Capitol Records debut Independent Worm Saloon with rough tracks done at their Austin studio and proper stuff/mixing done at The Site in Northern California. John Paul Jones (yes, of Led Zeppelin fame) handles the production duties.

1993 - Butthole Surfers release Independent Worm Saloon in March. To be continued..........